2020

Dear Journal,

I've been inactive in writing for over a year plus now.  Things have been pretty crazy busy in my life that I forgot about writing.  I wonder if anybody ever reads this online journal anyway.  It's the year 2020 and I gained so much of weight that it's not even funny anymore.  I'm young and full of hope / potential but I have become so lazy in terms of physical fitness that I just don't care to work out.  However, I looked at myself in the mirror today and had a self-reflection.  Is this the person I want to be? Some chubby 30-something year old lady who can't fit into her own clothes; that she is now wearing her mother's clothes to work, to events, to the mall - to anywhere.  It's not that my mother has a bad fashion taste, but all my fun-sexy play clothes are left hanging for no one to see and it's such a waste.  I told myself it's time to let go.  I will never fit into those sexy outfits again now that my body is growing and I'm adulting into the early 30s.  Goodbye beautiful trendy clothes, it's time to sell some shit online and hope that someone will find some happiness in them clothes.  Another woman's trash pre-loved items, are another woman's treasure.

Meanwhile, my job is taking its toll on me.  I don't think I'm cut out to be working behind a desk all day.  I feel like doing something else rather than staring at the computer and constantly doing paperwork.  Moreover, I am sick of dealing with pushy people who don't seem to understand that we need time to get proper shit done.  I am a human being and not a fucking machine.  Everything is always so bloody urgent that my life of getting work done, is like working in an emergency room.  The pressure hits me rock bottom.  I guess you can say I am a people pleaser.  In the end, I don't please myself.  So yeah, if you're reading this and you hate your job - cheers mate.  We work to pay bills.

I think I need to buy more lottery tickets.